Well, it’s Sunday. The end of another lifeless week in this place some call paradise. How anyone can see this place as “paradise”, I guess I will never know, or want to know. In my own feeble mind, this place is full of charlatans who are only out to make a buck at the expense of anyone who they can con a living from. Paradise doesn’t have unemployment, alcoholism, abuse, pornography or death. So, how can this be paradise? The week ends, with a darkness which feeds off the inspirations of the weak, seeming to drag down everyone as Monday approaches in the distant time.

Every now and then, like the sirens of the ambulance or fire brigade which howl into the night air, a distant screech is heard from my sliding door onto my balcony. Has another poor soul’s light been extinguished? Or has this one gotten away from the Reaper? Only to go on and fight another day.

Monday looms over the Eastern horizon, like a vulture, ready to tear you apart. The thought of going to work used to be exciting. But lately, it is not the happiest time of my life. When one gets so jack of the egotistical, selfish and downright back stabbing people they work with, life changes. Changes are inevitable, hair styles change, or just disappear. Cars get faster, but you are not allowed to drive them at that speed.

But for some, the change is deeper, emotional – almost spiritual. The hackers who chop away at your character, trying to expose you in a way that everyone would not like, take their toll on you. The depraved souls who whittle you away until you are not sure of yourself anymore, should pay for their misdeeds. How far will these people go to satisfy their own selfish ends?

I look back at the last few weeks, and what a sad time it has been in my life. Just when I thought I was getting on top of things, shit happens, almost literally. Maybe a change is in order? What sort of change? Work? Lifestyle? Friends? A change in lifestyle is something I couldn’t afford. Work? Oh yes, that uninspiring word again.. I could never leave my friends. They are my only sanctuary at this point in time. Some of them are a lot closer than others to me, and some even hold a special place forever in my heart. The latter know me well. Well enough to sense my frustration at those who seek to destroy me and make an example out of me. They know the hell I have endured in the last couple of weeks. They know that I am deeply cut by the actions of the few who say they have a higher reason for their actions. You win an argument with a superior and Hell is you new workmate. If only I could afford the luxury of time out. If only there was a way to get back to some sort of normality.

Changes will be made. Walls will be erected. Only a select few will ever know me. I have been way to open in the past. It’s time to close up shop and serve the minority who I call “close friends”.

Maybe this makes no sense. Maybe time will change my way of thinking. Maybe in the future, I will be confident enough to open myself to others again.

Until then, well, let’s see..


Back to my Personal Documents