Waiting For Oblivion

I sit, staring out the window of my office, not looking at anything in particular. The world seems to be moving, but not mine. How does one fathom the time till they can rejoice in the splendour of the weekend, which seems to tease you by drifting ever so slowly towards you.

Suddenly, the phone rings. My heart races, hoping it is the call that will change the course of my life and lead me from this pathetic existence. Not knowing what to expect, I reach out, sweating, I grip the phone in my hand, in a smooth movement of motion, I bring the phone to my ear, "Hello, Jeff speaking". I tremble; time seems to slow to a mere trickle as I wait for the reply from the far distant end. Out of nowhere, a voice drifts down the phone line and I sink back into my pathetic existence as the realisation dawns upon me that the voice is just another troubled soul who can't grasp the fundamental "stupidity of computers".

Retreating back to the depths of my subconscious, I consider the world in general. How will the world end? When will it end? Why are we here and whose fault is it anyway? The eagerness of the population as a whole amounts to the equivalent of a pile of unfulfilled dreams.

The only senses of freedom in this place are the e-mails I get from other people around the world. The voices without faces who I hear from almost every day. I wonder how many of them know if I even really exist? Hmm.. Back to my solitary confinement.

Midday, lunchtime, the time when a few of the people in the office peer out of their cramped cubicles to see if anyone is watching them leave. I bet they are saying to themselves that if no-one sees them leave, they can say they left 15 minutes later than they actually did. This would give them an extra few moments with that special someone, be it a partner, friend or secret lover. These people return back late and have the biggest saddest smiles on their faces I have ever seen. Why are they smiling? Don't they know that the only people that really matter in this entire screwed up world, are the ones who make a difference?  Their little infidelities will get them nowhere in life. They think they have it made, but this is just a figment in their own disillusioned imagination.

I return with my balanced lunch consisting of a Diet Coke and KFC to my hole in the ground office consisting of piles of computer bits and other tacky junk. Wallowing in self-absorption, I hear the phone ring once again. Remembering the last call, I hesitantly pick up the mobile and press the C button. It is amazing how much quieter the place is just after I do that. But, the silence and bliss of the moment is just for that long, a moment. The phone rings again. And on and on the day goes.

The end of another dreary day looms just outside my window with the spiders web covering it. I get myself together with enough energy to get to the car. On the drive home, it seems that everyone else is oblivious to the pain and suffering that is endured by millions around the world. All these people, faces in the traffic of time, all going about their own lives totally ignorant to the reality of the world passing them by.

Ahh.. Home. The only luxury I can afford in this time of a planet in turmoil is the oblivion I now endure of the rest of the world. Time has no meaning here as it does outside. This is the time I have waited for.

But then, tomorrow comes, as sure as space is vast.......

Jeff Friend 

13/11/2001